Looking to the finale

(I could’ve chosen some different title, but I’m lazy).

If I told you there was something that just felt different about this semester coming up, you’d probably say to me “well duh, Sey, it’s [most of] our final semesters of school”. And while that’s true and all, there’s already a bit more heaviness to that thought than I, well, thought.

I’ve been more than fortunate enough to still keep in contact (or at least keep tabs) with people from as way back as elementary school (shoutout to all my Keeth Cougars who read this blog). Granted, Facebook and Twitter help, but people could very well have just ignored me if they wanted to do so. The same sentiment applies to those in middle school (shout out to my Indian Trails peeps). And as for my Seminole High peeps, well, let’s just say college for me has been like the sequel to Saved by the Bell for the most part, haha.

But naturally, whether I end up staying in-state or going out-of-state, whatever my plans may be, other people have big plans too. We’re all, as surprising as it may be to imagine for some people, going to have lives, careers and families to take care of. While college still meant a return home, for the most part, the real world doesn’t afford that opportunity for some now. And while that doesn’t mean an abrupt end to communication by any means, it does mean a marked decline in that communication.

Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about that. And maybe, maybe just for once I have realized that I should stop thinking about it. After all, I can’t stop it right?

Humans welcome and sometimes relish familiarity, but they also crave adventure. We covet consistency, but desire for a metamorphosis and transformation.

And that’s what makes this semester so difficult…I’ve learned so much about myself, others, and the world at large in just these past 3.5 years alone (and I can argue that it’s really just been this past year). Most of what I’ve learned has been positive, but a sizable minority of it has been not necessarily negative but rather than disappointing. All experiences, however, have been invaluable.

It makes this semester that much harder because it puts me in an uncomfortable mind. Do I try and get myself to change now, and risk putting myself in a different light? Do I remain the same and just wait until my new start to go about these changes?

To put it in completely geeky terms…in other words I can’t decide between whether I want to do a beta version of Sey Hee 3.0 (I consider 1.0 up til beginning of high school and 2.0 high school til now), or just keep 2.0 around until I start the next phase of my life.

Of course, again, there’s always that part of me that says why you overthinkin, man? And it’s true, I really am overthinking it. So what I hope for, ultimately, is that this final semester of mine goes as smooth as possible.

That, my friends, is my ultimate wish. I know it won’t come true…in fact, it’s already hit some moments from almost right when the year began. But those have been set aside…and I hope that no more really happen. I wish for amends to be made, scores to be settled, and misunderstandings to be reconciled. These are bold wishes, at best, and are probably impossible.

But humans dream of achieving the impossible. And, as far as I know, I’m still a human.

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